Random Thoughts #3

I cannot believe it’s Day 301 – I keep wondering how I got here. There are only 56 more poems to write for 2016. Making it to Day 100 was a big deal for me, then all of a sudden it was 200 and then 300 – now, I have no doubt in my mind that I will make it to 366.

The confidence by which I say I WILL make it to Day 366 and beyond is quite new to me, and I am enjoying this level of self-faith.

The past 300 days have made me more open and honest with myself and my friends. Sharing fears that I have carried around for too many years – fears that still hold on to me and even as I articulate their ridiculous nature to friends and family, I still cannot shake.

“The written word helps you hide” was a comment made by a good friend recently. She told me that my work was raw and vulnerable but still finding that person behind the words was hard. I hid between the letters, the intersections, the prose, and poems. My friend was/is right. As open as I know I am becoming; I am still hiding pieces of myself in different days, so when the picture is created, it is still a bit jumbled, and needing a bit more work.

So as I work on my poetry and myself, I really truly want to say thank you for taking/being on this journey with me.

Manivillie 🙂




Day 281: Brother Mine (Manivannan)

When fear held my hand,
you wrestled your demons,
to pull me away.

In times I saw only darkness,
you reminded me that
black was made of all colours.

The days I missed my
father shoulders,
you lent me your back.

I never feared the
path before me, as I could see
the outline of your footsteps.

When distance created emptiness,
you reminded me that family
is connected by love, not space.

Those times I wondered,
if water could thin blood,
you used it instead,
to wash away my anxiety.

You have always been by my side,
a friend, a parent and a brother,
playing each part as needed
a protector in them all.

© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy

AN: My lovely older brother’s birthday today. Wishing him the best!

Day 275: Remembering You

It has been ten years,
since you broke my heart.
It’s enough penance,
don’t you think?
Why did I let you
make me believe,
that you were it for me?
I can finally forgive myself
for falling in love with you.
So, as hard as it is.
I am going to stop.
I need to love me now.

© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy