25/ 2017: Missing Pieces

It is in my greatest joys,
that I miss your presence
Those moments of chaotic noise
When I can sense your laughter’s absence.

© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy

AN: Whenever I get great news or am happy, I have a moment – just a moment, where my heart twinges and I miss the people who made me who I am but are no longer with me. 



Day 345: Stories

My favourite stories of my dad,
are the ones where he pouts and acts sad.

They are the ones, where he throw a tantrum,
totally forgetting he is a man of wisdom.

The ones where he behaves and is a great leader,
Let the world tell those stories of glamour.

They can have the orator and the great man,
I will keep my very flawed, but loveable, human.

© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy

AN: It’s getting close to my birthday and also the day my dad passed, so I think the memories are nearer to the surface. My dad was a writer, a teacher, principal, a leader, a community builder and so on. He was loved and respected by many of his students and always (kept impressing me) remembered them and their stories. When I think of him, it is always when he was merely my dad and my friend – those are the stories that I will pass on. The other ones, about the things he did and stuff he created, I will let the world tell those.

Day 338: Multiplicative

They say it takes you
7 times as long as you
knew someone to
completely forget them.

I still know you in
memories and moments,
though you are not
beside me.

So 700 years after
I pass, I shall
finally forget
all about you.

© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy

Day 298: Lost Brothers (Manimaran)

You would have been fifty this year,
Blowing out candles on a giant cake,
Surrounded by all near and dear
Instead, this year’s gift is heartache.

Empty party halls and wishes,
imagining age on your face
is it lined with deep creases
but still full of grace?

Would time have cooled that temper,
or would it still spark but burn quickly?
Could you have learned to speak gentler
or continued, to tell the truth bluntly?

I wish you left us with a daughter or son,
someone who would carry pieces of you,
so instead, I search for you in everyone,
looking for the next incarnation of you.

© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy

AN: My younger (elder) brother would have been fifty this year. 

We lost him in 1999, on his 33rd birthday. It’s one of those things where he remains perpetually frozen at that age, but it hit me this year, as we attended one of our (and his close) friend’s 50th birthday party. I know he hasn’t aged because I miss him every day and every second it feels like I (we) just lost him yesterday.  

I only got to (really) know him after I turned 9, he and my older brother had lived in Sri Lanka and India, where they were finishing hight school and going to University. So sometimes, I get petty, and I get mad because I knew him for such a very short time – 10 odd years.  Twenty lifetimes is never enough with someone you love. 


My Brother, Manimaran, on (I believe) my 10th Birthday Party

Day 279: For a Moment

For a moment in time,
an angel walked on Earth.

For a moment in time,
we were embraced in your love.

For a moment in time,
my world was protected.

For a moment in time,
you were my brother.

For a moment in time,
I had a savior.

For a moment in time,
you made the world a better place.

Now all that is left of you,
are precious moments trapped in time.

(c) Manivillie Kanagasabapathy 

AN: My thoughts are blocked today, so posting a poem I wrote in 1999, when my brother passed away.