I am weighed down
by the words unsaid
between us and the
expectations of
accommodations we
are afraid to ask.
Knowing that in the
asking is the admittance
that we were not as we
once believed ourselves to be,
and time had not been the
friend, we imagined forever knowing.
© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
I know you are toxic for me,
but I pretend that I am immune,
to all the ways your energy draws
the peace of my mind.
I lie to myself that
closing the door is enough
and I don’t need to lock it
because you won’t push
it wide open just to
hear the sound of it bang.
This time, I need to confront,
who I am and who I want to be
realizing that the only pieces
missing to complete the puzzle
of me are one worn out of shape,
by being too long in your possession.
So I am taking back,
all the bits I left behind,
each time I said, “later.”
instead of goodbye.
Because there is no reason
for this ending to remain
unfinished.
© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
I lost my creativity,
in the place I had
gone to meet it.
© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
I always wonder if
she found peace
when she became a swan.
If the other ducks
finally saw the value
or if for all
her struggle,
her transformation,
she remained
an unwanted “other.”
Would she have traded
her snow white feathers
for the earthen connection
of brown.
Her song for a quack,
because what was the point
of owning a beautiful
swan song,
when no one could hear
it’s sorrow
or echo its pain.
Did she fly away,
to find a place where
she finally blended in?
Or remain stubbornly still,
a glowing reflection of light,
demanding others take notice
stop and stare,
as she would no longer
hide for their ease.
If you give me the choice
I know which ending
I would have created.
© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
Drops of rain, clear the air
undo the style of my hair,
pins and sprays all to contain
a wildness you saw as a stain
destroying the perfect dream
of the role I would play on your team.
As the water drags my hair down,
all your shallow words start to drown
and I am left, cleansed clean
of believing I am your queen.
Rather, if I am to rule,
I choose not to do it as your fool.
(c) Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
I am who I am,
there’s no one else I would rather be.
I am just looking foward,
to the next evolution of me.
© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
Weight bears down,
An unbearable pressure,
Of breathless flights.
Trapped within my mind,
Shifting mazes, tilting floors,
Chasing Cronos through closing doors.
Withering hand struggle
To hold loving connections,
Mosaic memories refracted in light.
Sacrifice and passion
Collide in transition
Transformation found in sparks.
Brilliant diamonds of fiery will,
Icy polish of bright minds,
Radiant glows of a pure soul.
© Manivillie Kanagasabapathy
AN: No pressure, No diamonds. Inspired by a conversation with my friend Shana, who is pursuing her Ph.D. and parenting a three-year-old. A reminder of how much stronger we have to become in order to channel and change the pressure that faces us, becoming diamonds in the sky.
